Friday, October 29, 2010

so many things to say.

do i have things to blog about?
you betcha.
but where do i begin.
how do i not get too personal.
when everything feels too personal right now.

how do i explain how alone i feel.
how can you feel alone when you are this close to another human.
would you judge me if i tell you sometimes i'm more scared than excited.
that i've had nightmares.
horrible nightmares.

that i'm really scared about getting fat.
it's really difficult for a ex-chubby girl to have to get chubby again.
i'm having problems accepting this new body.

that i feel dead.
or at least i think people think i'm dead.
i know everyone has their own lives.
but when did i disappear off their radar?

that deep down i know this is all i've ever wanted.
a family of my own.
but it doesn't feel real yet.
and this in between thing sucks.

and i feel that i'm abandoning my husband.
will he tire of his fat wife?
do i complian too much.
no, i know i complain too much.

i'm getting through.
one day at a time.
work keeps me distracted.
but at night..
the nightmares return.

Thursday, October 21, 2010


i've fallen in love with my job.

j calls it 'volunteer work'.

it is pretty close to volunteer work,

but it's my job.

yesterday we attended a conference with this speaker.

need some motivation?

check him out:

Sunday, October 3, 2010

i don't know.

where have i been?

three weddings burned me out.
a new job has taken over my life.

adjusting to a new life role.
keeping faith during family illnesses.

reuniting with family,
and feeling like i'm losing some.

these are not excuses.
but i just wanted you to know.

things are happening.
hoping things settle soon.